I recently read a blogpost written by a young married woman addressing the topic, "Why you should be more high maintenance." The post was geared toward women who constantly find themselves striving to be "low-maintenance" because they do not want to bother other people or be a burden to those around them, especially the men in their lives. It goes on to dispel the theory that asking for help is a negative action, and it points out several positive reasons why it's alright for a woman to be less independent and more vulnerable regarding her needs. However, the author specifically discusses the importance of a woman recognizing her tendency to be independent in regards to marriage or a romantic relationship, since nurturing one another's needs is a primary way to sustain that type of relationship. As I read, the article struck a chord with me. I began to wonder, how can this be applicable to single women in regards to the young men in their lives? Is it? Or should we only apply these concepts if or when we are in a relationship or married?
Mainstream American society today manages to complicate this topic further, as it provides exhaustive pressure and a skewed set of expectations for many young women. Often girls in their twenties are faced with the supposition that they must be educated, find a job, support themselves, and figure out how to do life and handle responsibilities on their own, whether they want to or not. While some of this is true, desired, good experience, or necessary for survival at times, each of these expectations, combined with the negative societal stereotype of "clingy" and "needy" women, scream of the necessity of independence and promote the idea that figuring it out on your own is a requirement for acceptance and approval among peers.
Due to expectations within our society and the result of the feminist movement, many women have taken on responsibilities and independent lifestyles in recent decades, accepting the challenge to prove they are capable of doing it all and figuring it out themselves. For numerous young women today, cultural expectations have become a natural life path, believing that moving out, becoming financially stable, and learning to be independent and not "need" guys in their lives is simply the way it's done. When a situation arises that a young woman should not face alone and where the aid of a male friend or family member would be helpful, no matter how scared she is inside, more often than not she automatically faces it alone because she has been taught that she should be able to handle it.
Years ago, before the expectation of independence was prominent, a single woman was often near family, and she turned to her father or a brother for support and assistance when necessary. Today, with members of families scattered across the country, many young ladies find themselves facing situations by themselves (situations where the support of other women can only go so far), whether it is by choice, or because she is in a position where the circumstance has to be dealt with and she is simply alone or doesn't know where to turn due to the restrictions culture has placed on girls asking for help and appearing vulnerable to the guys who actually are in her life, in whatever capacity.
How then can a young, single woman who lives away from family apply this principle of being less independent and not scared to ask for help? Should she? Or is it best kept within marriage and relationships? Does she need to carefully monitor what for and how often she asks guys in her life for help so she doesn't become annoying and needy? (i.e. moving a heavy dresser might make sense to ask for help with, but she may fear that putting air in tires is a silly thing people will think she should be able to do herself). In some instances, lines of acceptable interaction between men and women have become so blurred it is nearly impossible to decipher the code, and it is easier for a girl to forget the whole thing and figure out the problem herself.
Despite growing up in a home where independence was not an expectation and where I was encouraged to ask for help when needed, now that I do not reside near my immediate family I feel the pressure to "not be a burden" more often than I would like. I dislike the independent streak that I see developing in myself, but I have no idea how to stop it. There are times I have to do things alone out of necessity, or if I wonder if I should ask a guy for help, those prickles of fear and uncertainty poke at my mind. Many times I think I could probably figure it out on my own if I really tried, even though I may not want to. Thus the mind plays games, telling me that I'm simply being a bother if I ask, despite the fact that it may not be true and God is above it all.
In the end the principles are taken to heart, but the question still remains. What's a girl to do? Or maybe, does it even matter?
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